* Despair Inc. OK I can’t imagine ever actually ordering any of these posters but they do crack me up.
* The Air Force Pain Beam. OK I am not sure why I find this funny, says something sad about me.
* Danny reminds me of the Paul is Dead mania.
* Room Defender Sentry Turret. Man I would have loved one of these as a kid.
My sense of humour is pretty dark and aggressive this week.
Cicadaville.com – Premier Cicada information source – ha ha ha ha ha. Man this takes me back 34 years. Excerpt:
Q: Do Cicadas make that loud buzzing sound to attract a mate?
A: No, that is a common myth. Our research indicates that sound is actually a battle cry that roughly translates as Kill the Humans. When you hear that sound, take cover! It means the killing spree is about to begin.
p. Hey I needed a goofy t-shirt recently and found Zazzle. Very easy to create my own shirt, easy to upload graphics, and the t-shirt shipped 1 day later and arrived fast. Great service, good range of products, very easy web-based design tool. Oh and very economic to order quantity 1.
p. I also considered Designashirt and it probably had even nicer web-based design tools (flash based as i recall) but they had a minimum order of 6. But the web experience was good.
From Dave at just procrastinating:
Should I be drinking wine or beer? This study suggests beer for cancer prevention. While there are all kinds of studies that show red wine is good for heart disease. There really aren’t enough hours in the evening for me to be doing all this drinking for my health. If I am going to have 2 glasses of red wine a day to help my heart and now 2 or 3 beers to fight off cancer, I might have to start drinking at the office.
Tong Family Blog: Haiku for Windows — I saw these years ago and they cracked me up then. May be apocryphal but still hilarious. My favorite:
Your file was so big.
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.
Ha, from my friend Tim. Probably a classic but I hadn’t seen in memory:
Who Reads What and Why
- The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
- The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
- The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.
- USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their smog statistics shown in pie charts.
- The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn’t
have to leave L.A.to do it.
- The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
- The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
- The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country either, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
- The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is,they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are disabled minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy as long as they are democrats.
- The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
- The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the
I’d guess Seattle is some amalgam of LA and SF, with maybe a little New York Post.
From my Dad — a great one!
In Tennessee, a guy sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
“You talk?” he asks.
“Yep,” the mutt replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The mutt looks up and says, “Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the
CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.”
“The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I
signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, “Ten dollars.”
The guy says, “This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”
The owner replies, “He’s such a liar. He didn’t do any of that shit.”